why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
