her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
