There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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