Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
