Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
