Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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