i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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