Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
