Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
