Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
