Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
