I cannot find my penis.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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