You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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