I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
