He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
