I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
