I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
