I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
