At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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