I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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