So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
