so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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