have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
