What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
