Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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