I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
