Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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