dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
