It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
