I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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