She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
