Sponge bath it is.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
