he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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