I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
