It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
