Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
