I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
