She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
