big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
