is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
