apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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