woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
