i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
