I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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