Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
