my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
