halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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