I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
