i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
