i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
