I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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