Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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